[28 Feb 2010|07:00pm]  Why fight? That will never do. Love? said the Commander.  14 | ♥

are You listening tonight? [18 Jul 2009|07:45pm] one to another, do You remember me? i feel so small. are you listening tonight? so temporary, the things that i have seen. i ran so far, will You take me back again? ♥

this is how i feel when i look at you or you or you or you or you [27 Jun 2009|07:16pm] Sometimes I feel like I'm living in my own novel. I value the intensity of negative emotion as much as that of positive emotion. I may not necessarily like- but am appreciative of- the irony that comes to light as life continues to unfold, or the moments of tragicomedy. I am as much character as audience. I love this very much, even the moments when everything seems tinged with fatalism. Those are the special moments, and there are also the beautiful moments with people, or those alone, when you construct people at the periphery of your consciousness. Absence provides an excuse for the beautiful; beautiful is emotionally neutral.. or rather, it covers the spectrum of emotions we know. Do you know what hurts the most? What hurts the most is when you have inside of you a beautiful, beautiful emotion, or when all around you everything is heartbreakingly, gutwrenchingly beautiful, (the world a rippling water painting- never literally, it's always in the way you perceive it. This is why construction sites are beautiful to me, and why I love looking at cranes silhouetted against the sky.) and you have no way to share it with anyone. This is what hurts the most, because you feel like you're going to explode from all this beauty and you only have a special moment to share it, and you have to find that chance. But the door won't open and you can't find the entrance stone and all you can do is watch all this beauty kill you alone and as it does so, you know it gets more beautiful. It's what happens when you look into that person's eyes, whoever that person is, gender is of no consequence here, and you open your mouth to try to let them make sense of your world but the words fall out lifeless, dry and crabbed. And you can't tell if the heartbreak begins at their semi-puzzled, searching look as they try but fail to understand, or if it was always there because you always knew deep in the core of yourself that absolute understanding (on their part) is impossible. This is your Eden and your five senses are wide awake in this garden but when others try to enter it they are blind, deaf, dumb, mute, insensible to touch. This is why their souls can't feel what you want them to. 1 | ♥

Harsh. [18 May 2009|10:27am] Shut up, look up, the future is now. Find solidity below your feet and look to the crystal-clear cold slopes of ambition. The dial's turned down and the background noise fades. People are transient and you have only what is within your own control. We all crave baptism by fire. "Change the world or go down in flames." Always remember there is no in-between, give yourself no room for grey in this respect. Distill yourself and your identity will coalesce around the core again. Never relax or you will fall apart. ♥

#1 [17 May 2009|10:18pm] london's on the line and i can't pick up beep beep phone batt's flat ♥

[16 May 2009|10:57pm] and separation is more metaphysical than physical. when you are done with this storm and all your bleeding, you will be different. that is what this storm is about. and i will no longer recognize you. i find people and lose them in this sandstorm, transient like mirages. i could be a solipsist, you might just be a figment of my imagination. people don't necessarily change, dynamics change. it's hard to tell the difference. when you're done bleeding onto the sand, you'll be too busy scratching the crusted black blood off your palms to notice how the sand dunes have shifted. or maybe you've shifted. either the map has shifted under you, or you have somehow moved, stumbled around through blind (co,ordinates) and come to a different place. whatever it is, the landscape around us will have been altered irrevocably and we will not be able to find our way back. and so we forge on, forward. --   ♥

[28 Apr 2009|09:31am] [ music | metric - collect call ] wishing you could keep me closer i'm a lazy dancer when you move i move with you ♥

AHH. DROOLS. [27 Apr 2009|08:33pm] <3 3 | ♥

i miss gym. haha fat and inflexible! omg hot hot hot. [26 Apr 2009|07:34pm] I have forgotten how long and slender legs can look. And how graceful... haha sigh 1 | ♥

[06 Apr 2009|07:57pm] BAH. FKJGNFDKJGBFDSHJGBUDFGBDJKGBJFKDGNJFDKNGKFD NOT PRETTY ENOUGH. NOT PRETTY ENOUGH. DO YOU SEE THIS? NOT PRETTY ENOUGH. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. insig. 1 | ♥

e.e.cummings - since feeling is first. [29 Dec 2008|09:12am] since feeling is first who pays any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you; wholly to be a fool while Spring is in the world my blood approves, and kisses are a better fate than wisdom lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry - the best gesture of my brain is less than your eyelids' flutter which says we are for each other; then laugh, leaning back in my arms for life's not a paragraph And death i think is no parenthesis ♥

[19 Nov 2008|07:18pm] Thank God for everything- the past three weeks, the six before them, the months and the years before, life before JC and JC life, friends and friends-who-were. Thank God for being the only constant in life too. I remember small things, like how Alison used to use purple arial narrow on msn. It's better to stay grounded. I suspect I would like to be your friend. ♥

[25 May 2008|09:32pm] You give and take away,  Lord, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, 'Lord, blessed be Your Name.' ♥

[19 Jan 2008|10:48pm] baby, you're in luck... -- at long last, the mermaid drew the sharp fishing knife, and it sparkled in the morning sun as she did so. she brought it down in a swift smooth hardness, down through the green-blue translucent scales, cleaved through fish tail and all. then the fish came and breathed her blood through their little gills until she was no more. ♥

excuse me, mister-- [14 Jan 2008|08:22pm] plastercine elephant. and then you can buy me that. but you won't because you wouldn't like me to. i wonder how it would be like. a way, away away easy come, easy go. ♥

wood, you. [07 Jan 2008|08:09pm] chewing on a soured handful of cherry candy, i figure i would be better off living in the in a cage of whalebone. pinocchio in the stomach of a whale, feeling the bite of acid gently on wood, on, slowly on it would go. and at night you'd lie awake pressed against the nearness of systole and diastole. lie awake feeling the thum thump.  lie, lie, lie by yourself, to yourself until your nose grew and grew and grew and/ sliced up through the whale's throat spearing it like a merciless harpoon and then the waves would come and beat and beat and beat and oh and oh the ships- would  finally come to take you home. 1 | ♥

[05 Jan 2008|07:39pm] hello beautiful, of half-shut smirking eyes and lazy smiles. more an impression than appearance, firm touch on skin lingering longer than faulty fading polaroid of memory's camera.  constructions of the subconscious, mostly. we meet when i'm asleep. evanescing now, and i can see the sun through your hair. ♥

[03 Jan 2008|10:23pm] too much gravity for these weightless frivolities. bloated on i+j+k and waterloading with electrophiles yet still too light to achieve the ethereal. ♥

run peter pan! they're coming for you! [25 Dec 2007|02:24pm] I feel like a car just ran over my mind. My mental world is tilting on-axis while I'm alone on a carriage on a ferris wheels rising up towards the sky. And at the apex of the revolution, the tiny carriage will disengage itself and fly up, up, up and away, with just me, me, me and the peeling red paint on its side. Sometimes it seems the new year grabs me and drags me kicking and screaming to meet it. I'm okay with the inexorable passage of time. I just don't want to grow up that much. Grow up and blow away, yes. One day we'll all grow up enough to stand on our heads and fashion hot air balloons made of our own spun silk thread and we'll fly off, to whereever the wind takes us, like seeds being scattered in autumn. Dandelion, dandelion, what time is it? Mostly the hours and minutes and seconds spill out in every wild direction, but always away                                      from                       me.  ♥

[22 Dec 2007|04:21pm] "she has something to confess, but you don't have the time,  so look the other way." ♥

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