NOLITE TE BASTARDES CARBORUNDORUM

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:24:40 GMT

!@#$%^!

I'm majorly irritated that I'm home on a saturday and I have, ohmygoodness, no shopping buddies at all because they have so all gone overseas or disappeared or are busy $#%$^%&&^* I want to go to kino WITH PEOPLE who can help point out good books. Alone at kino is good sometimes, but not all the time! Alone at starbucks is good sometimes but feeling like a solipsist is only fun for a while.

TABULA RASA

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:10:11 GMT

Whitewashing my mind is harder than I thought; the dirt spots keep slowly showing through everytime I think I'm finally done.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:37:20 GMT

even when the ending is only the start

last night i dreamt of all of you

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 09:52:44 GMT

Walking around Raffles City alone and lost then Shumin and Hsia turn up and we're supposed to meet for lunch but instead we go for a drink. I have the loveliest drink I've ever ever ever had- it's purple and deep pink- and I'm feeling the semi-buzz already (im so DrunG,kdear) but I'm more sober than when I'm not drunk and I'm sad, sad, sad. And we are talking but I don't remember what about. Then Di and Yer arrive and Yer is devastated about something his father? had said. I want more drinks and you're all not saying no to me.

Dream shifts and I am walking through my blog entries like the stills of a film and there's a disproportionate number of them about _ and I feel like my heart has been opened up and hung up on display then I wake up and wonder if I really had that many drinks, because, goodness, think about the calories... 7kcal/g.

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 09:43:47 GMT

Can't wait for 1pm on Monday, then maybe I will have a little time to check out the new MAC collection for real. And I am dying to watch the Hurt Locker and Pandorum but they aren't the sort of movies big groups will want to watch, you have to find likeminded friends for this sort. Inglourious Basterds is going out of cinemas already..

I'm online because I'm supposed to be checking out some stuff... clearly not MAC's website though...

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:49:09 GMT

miss the times i used to go out alone on saturday buy poetry and read it alone. or spend hours at kino. everything is tainted by opportunity cost now... SR, LR, where should equilibrium be? tied down by information asymmetry. happiness smiles at me from my book cabinet, richard layard hung out to dry.

before i die

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:46:04 GMT

apple picking in an orchard in autumn
giant ferris wheel at night
city lights all night
sunsets
stars
giant sequoia trees
publish my book

always the presence of an unnamed faceless complement with me.

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 15:58:22 GMT

i wish you hadn't said you had to go offline.

i would have told you why i am sad. it has nothing to do with work.

i just want(ed) someone to talk to.

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 15:06:35 GMT

There are many ways to phrase this. I had them all in my head. It just goes to show how much I romanticize my life. Everything is fiction to me, I want everything to be (a) novel. I hate it when I feel reality leadchaining my feet down I want to be too ethereal for you I want to rise out of the ashes have red hair be beautiful have beautiful live beautiful. What is this? Even my words won't come easy. Does she come easy, does she, does she? Do they come easy, go easy, do they?

I
had it more golden in my head when i was alone.

I listened to Of Montreal's song- I cannot remember the title. It didn't sound the way I thought it would, it wasn't the way I should mythologize you.. Everything refuses to comply. Please refer to entry several months ago, about what hurts.

_ says:
how are you?

grace. says:
i am grey concrete on a dusty semihot evening with lots of homework at the back of your mind

_ says:
):

grace. says:
does that make sense?
the feeling of it. neither happy nor sad
hoho
rather heavy and weary and wanting rain to clear the air again

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:00:21 GMT

I HATE BEING SO PLEB.

REDUCED! H8 MYSELF H8FDKGJNDKD. gna invent my own prison cell romance can't even read or write dumb beast

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:55:52 GMT

blue baby

reduce it to its lowest term and we are all going through the same thing

for the ones still paddling the old knew.

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 02:06:43 GMT

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:11:30 GMT

Haha yeah, very funny indeed.

Good joke, everyone laugh, curtains.

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 10:26:40 GMT

Will someone please please please do an americaneagle/urbanoutfitters spree with me please please. I am itching to buy clothes.

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:40:03 GMT

I am glad you are my friend.

:)

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 10:05:38 GMT

from january until now, that's nine months and two weeks. hope is impossible to kill; it drives us insane and keeps us sane.. how odd. one liners again.

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:50:36 GMT

-- a yearning for some lost Eden as a refuge from the uncertain, miasmic present.

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:02:02 GMT

OMGOMGOMG EVERYONE IF YOU LOVE STATIONERY AND NOTEBOOKS YOU HAVE, HAVE, HAVE, MUST, HAVE TO, MUST DEFINITELY GO TO PAPER MARKET AT RAFFLES CITY BASEMENT. IT'S NEW AND OMG HEAVEN.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 15:14:25 GMT

I miss knowing the news like that. I haven't read the papers in days. I miss debating issues, I miss the dynamism of everyday world affairs... as opposed to how static this information I am receiving is. Theory is pretty much always static but I wish I could see it come to live on a more macroscale.. I miss human behaviour, inter-personal relations instead of intra-personal- and not even in the way the term is typically used.

Language?

Perspective?

Foucault, power, knowledge, russell, religion, history of philosophy, power again, freud, totems and taboos, wittgenstein, logic, there's no logic in all of this anymore, baudrillard, i've given EVERYTHING away. I feel like a collagen fibril and if you look at me cross-sectionally you will see nothing in the middle. Ha ha I use this sort of analogies now. My mind feels dulled and I really am at the bottom of everest looking up now, charlie gordon gone dumb, algernon biting his hand.

pls put flours on algernons grave

Also, I miss GP. I don't understand why anyone would be unable to appreciate what we talk about during GP. I wish I had the world as my syllabus. I wish there was space for Sartre and not just Rosseau, room for more than just Mills and Bentham.

BUT WAIT there isn't even Bentham anymore. Nowadays I keep swearing in my head. I need to get a handle on myself.

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:57:09 GMT

OMG I just received a letter from LSE in the mail informing me that the dept tutor of Philo looks forward to meeting me at this induction meeting on this date etcetera...

Oh dear.

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 11:14:05 GMT

I feel a teeny bit bad that I have lost about 4 hours of studying time...? Haha I still feel sickish but I have Things To Do on my hands besides studying.. a longer post soon, maybe.

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 08:39:46 GMT

If they're noisy again tonight, I will do bodily harm to the neighbours who were shrieking and laughing like horny hyenas with boys over at 2am last night while I was trying to SLEEP SO I COULD PAY ATTENTION TODAY. thank goodness it's hard to fall asleep during anat prac.

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:55:32 GMT

I don't know how to study anat. I feel so stupid. Ahahahah..

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:30:38 GMT

nobody draws on my lecture notes during lectures anymore, i
do wonder where your hypnotic pencil has gone and when the hamsters passed away.

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:22:55 GMT

I was reading cell signalling and falling asleep when I thought I heard the sound of birds outside my window. Then the sound of the birds in the morning outside the windows at RG came back to me, sharp and clear as ever, and with it, the feel of the cool damp morning air, wet dark gentle heaviness, the presence of huge trees and the condo and and I can't describe it, but that RG feel. I'm awake now and sad.